Professional Jews in Training

Everything is ending...

2006-05-07T22:43:00.000-05:00

I graduate from university in six days. Seriously?

Time has flown, and I'm so busy right nowI can barely believe what's going on.

I hope to have more time to blog about what's been happening with me, but right now...

In six days, I will have a B.A.

Holy crap.

I gave a d'var torah at Hillel on Friday night. And I cried during it, but hopefully managed to get some small words of wisdom out of it.

I got a pair of travel candlesticks as a gift for my tenure as president of Hillel (last year) and then each senior gets a mezuzah as well, so I now have a very pretty Jerusalem stone one to go with the one I got in Tzfat two years ago.

Today I taught my last day of Sunday School. It felt surreal. We got teacher's gifts last week...a cute silk painted challah cover from Israel. To go with the one I embroidered a few years ago for myself.

I love Judaica, so the more the merrier :) In fact, I'm considering making another Challah cover. Or perhaps, a matzah cover or two...

Okay, back to studying. Plans for Jerusalem are still in the works...more on that when there's more time.

Everything is ending, but I take it all with me in my heart...and I have gained some things that will change the rest of my life.

My Life Right Now

2006-04-23T20:32:00.000-05:00

Things with my parents have improved, though I don’t know how much that really means, when I think on Tuesday I will be giving them the news they don’t want to hear. My dad’s birthday is tomorrow, so Significant Other and I went home and visited, but we weren’t really told a time, so we sort of weren’t there at the right moment. It was annoying, because we could’ve worked around it, if only we had been given the right information. But, at this point, it was civil, which is the most that I can ask for. Things are progressing for Israel. I’ve begun to work on various immigration issues, and will begin applying for my program and for the scholarships and fun things like that shortly.

My thoughts have been less focused on Israel than one would imagine. So much of what my parents said has been related to Significant Other and I that he and I have been talking about it carefully, and trying to figure out how we want to proceed, and what obstacles we need to work out. We’re serious, so they’ve been serious, although often pleasant conversations. Often, they begin with trepidation that lessens as time goes on because we realize that although we talk about a specific issue differently, we do actually mean very similar things. Not that there won’t be issues, but our attitude is that our relationship has to take into account all of these other things, especially when there are lots of religious issues that might stand between us.

We’ve begun to address specific issues in a preliminary manner, although we purchased a book called “Two Jews Can Still Be a Mixed Marriage.” It’s aimed at people who are married, but it deals with a lot of the issues that any couple who is serious about staying together but are from different movements or have significantly different religious practices, even though we’re both Jewish. The funniest thing is that even though this is a subject that SO many people deal with, it seems as though there is only really this book available, unless I just totally missed the rest of them when I was looking at Amazon. I just feel as though this is a serious issue for so many people, and yet, one slim volume is the only thing out there. Do we really think that if one Jew marries another Jew, that’s the end of the problem? This, and my idea for a children’s book about a society of flying Jewish people who have to deal with the rules of Shabbat, etc…just imagine the funny questions, like how far can you fly on Shabbat? Are there rules for how high you can fly? I think it’d be fun.

btw: Yay for helping ReGeneration find a rabbi to email...maybe he'll be more helpful!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

2006-04-17T23:45:00.000-05:00

Why, when I have a paper due tomorrow morning that isn't finished, does my mother insist on trying to talk to me about Israel? Why does she continue to act like I'm trying to avoid it when I'm all trying to do is graduate? Why was it so unbelievable that I really do have work to do, and that I really do need to do it and I can't have a conversation like that at 11:30 at night because I will be upset for a long time afterwards?

ARGH.

So frustrated. No decision has been made, so therefore I haven't made a declaration. You want I should shout it from the rooftops???

ARGH.

And don't tell me I'm acting "out of character" or imply that I don't know what I'm doing. It doesn't make me want to listen to you anymore.

I don't like being angry...but she just pushes and pushes all of my buttons.

Too Much to Do (and it's not even because of Pesach!)

2006-04-10T22:45:00.000-05:00

So, things have been interesting around here.

Tuesday night, we went to visit my parents. It was not terrible; no one ended up throwing things at each other. That being said, no one came to any kind of resolution either. And Significant Other feels very much as though he's being put on trial as well, in a way that makes him feel harshly judged. I don't think it's fair, but I also can't stop it, since these are my parents and they do, in some ways, have the right to ask about these things. Just not in a way that makes them appear self-righteous and judgemental. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm still rooting for Pardes. I can't help it. I like the idea of the program too much, and one of the professors I'm corresponding with mentioned to me that in her Talmud class of 17 students, 3 were attending Hebrew Union College (Reform rabbinical school), 2 were from the Reconstructionist Rabbinical School, and one was from Hebrew College (a non-denominational school). Which means that 6 out of the 17 students were from a liberal school. Sigh. Now, if I can get my mom to talk to them about all of this, things might look better.

In the meantime, I just went to Phoenix, AZ to talk to a bunch of high school students about being Jewish in college. So I'm exhausted, and our appartment is nowhere near clean for Passover, and I have about 150 assignments due between now and the end of Pesach. And I'm supposed to be making decisions about my future.

Stop the world, I need more time to figure out my life.

At least all the blogging world has been nice to me :) Say hi, and I wish you all a Chag Pesach Sameach!

An Update

2006-04-03T12:18:00.000-05:00

Thursday, Friday and Saturday were awful. I spent a total of about 6 hours on the phone with my mother, and it was just awful. I have never felt so angry, frustrated, hurt and betrayed as I did during those calls. I won't go into details, as they remain the same as earlier, although there was an element especially on Saturday night that included an indictment of my relationship with Significant Other in its entireity and of his religious practice as well.

However, after many more than six hours of deliberation and quiet conversation with Significant Other, there is the resemblence of a plan forming. Last night, I spoke in a civil and collected manner to my father about the issues involved, the first time I'd spoken to him since Wednesday. He gave little clue of what he thought (although I did know some things from my mother, when we weren't yelling) but I really felt that those 45 minutes were entirely more valuable than a lot of the 6 hours had been.

This is partially because my father and I speak a language more closely related. We all speak English, but our ways of expressing ourselves work together much more smoothly. His life experience has also been very different from my mothers, which I think makes a difference. I think the best part of the conversation with him was that it allowed me to actually think about the discussion rather than just react to an accusation (or many accusations). I think things will be at least more civil now, even if we don't reach an agreement.

I just got off the phone with my mother. It was cordial, and only about ten minutes long. She decided to call the Hillel Director, and the Federation Director (who happens to be my Significant Other's mother) to ask about the program (good first steps) and had called to ask several things. First, the number of the lady I spoke to at Pardes, since she had some very specific questions that she needed to ask, and secondly to get my permission to talk to some other (Reform) Rabbis that she knows. She's making an effort to make sure that she knows exactly what's going on, which really helps me feel as though she's at least taking my request seriously.

The plan for right now looks something like this: Significant Other and I go to my home tomorrow to talk in person with my parents (about an hour each way), to try to clear up some of the issues. Then, we continue to try to mend fences, while also trying to convince them that this is a good, sound opportunity for me.

At the very least, I don't think it'll be the total catastrophe that I predicted before. I think there may be room here to work things out so that I can go if not with their blessing, at least with their understanding. Nothing is certain here, and there are some surprises that could be looming, but we'll see...

Horrific.

2006-03-31T02:23:00.000-06:00

My parents are furious over the idea and think that I'm being brainwashed.

Or that I'm chasing after Significant Other, who will also be in Israel (although I'd probably only see him around once a month).

Or that I'm jeapordizing my future by not doing this right away. Of course, she was always the one that said I had enough time for everything since I'm graduating young.

The worst was that I was endangering myself after having been brought out of danger by my parents, and haven't I learned anything from them!??!?

This is horrific.

I have no idea what to do, but the conversation just makes me more determined to go. This is horrific.

More on my "moment"

2006-03-30T14:17:00.000-06:00

I was sitting in the Rabbi's Introduction to Talmud Class...which I've been in for two years now. Once a week, although I've been bad about going lately because of school. The Rabbi and I are the only ones there, and he and I talk for a few minutes, hoping that there'll be another student. He asks if I'm interested in Pardes, because if I am, there's a scholarship for those who are involved in Hillel to go.

My response should've been the canned "no" of always. Instead, I said yes, I'm interested. In the past 24 hours, I've figured out how much it might cost, what exactly it is, figured out a range of immigration issues, emailed Pardes, and gotten a call back from one of the ladies there. And told several people, including Signifcant Other, what's going on.

I think I'm interested. Now, to just break the news to my parents....

I'm Having a Moment...

2006-03-29T22:32:00.000-06:00

So, tonight...prompted by the Hillel Rabbi...I'm having a moment.

It's one of those moments that will either be laughed off tomorrow, or (more likely) radically change my plans for next year, without even meaning to.

Last time something like this happened, it took me several days to tell my parents. I'm like...uh...yeah. This is going to be interesting. And that was only about changing the face of my college education...

A Hint

My First Meme!! Thanks Baalat Teshuva!

2006-03-28T21:14:00.000-06:00

I got tagged by Baalat Teshuva...so here's what came up...

The rules: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

1. How does the world see you? Sitting on the Dock of the Bay
Lazy? Wasting my time? Interesting...

2. Will I have a happy life? Mighty King (from the Lion King)
I think that's a positive answer...I do want to run the Jewish world /save the world

3. What do my friends really think of me? I Feel Good (James Brown)
Hehehehehe.

4. Do people secretly lust after me? Last Night (the Strokes)
Hmmm...interesting....considering who I was with last night...

5. How can I make myself happy? Am Yisrael Chai (Noam Katz)
Working with Jewish people to save the Jewish world? why yes!

6. What should I do with my life? I'd Do Anything (Simple Plan)
Actually, as listed in the post before, I do have some job requirements...;)

7. Will I ever have children? Imagine (John Lennon)
Um...is that a good answer?

8. What is some good advice for me? All That Jazz (Movie Soundtrack-Chicago)
Party time!

9. How will I be remembered? More Than This (Norah Jones)

10. What is my signature dancing song? Devil's Dance Floor (Flogging Molly)

11. What do I think my current theme song is? Wasted and Ready (Radish)

12. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Fa Fa (Guster)

13. What song will play at my funeral? These Days (Juluka)
Eighties band from South Africa (I'm an ex-pat)...and probably my favorite song by the group...

14. What type of women / men do you like? This is How a Heart Breaks (Rob Thomas)
Intense it is....

15. What is my day going to be like? Or Chadash ("Various Artists" from a compilation CD)
I like that...a new light... sounds happy....

And now to tag someone....hmmm...since Ger Tzadik seems to be taking a break....how bought my friend over at Regeneration....:)

The Job Post

2006-03-22T01:24:00.000-06:00

In a total departure from my post lately, this is the semi-serious post where I beg all of you out there to help me find a job. ;)

As some of you may know, I will be graduating from college in May (insert panic here). Although I'm pretty sure I want an MBA in non-profit management (possibly with some other kind of degree thrown in), I decided in the fall a job is really my next step. I realize that I probably could have gone straight in, but I think it's important to get some work experience, and besides, I think I really need some more time to think about grad school and what exactly I want to do with my life.

Anyway, about me:

I will graduate with a degree in Religious Studies from a top 50 ranked university with a 3.6 GPA. I have been highly involved in the leadership at the campus Hillel, the local synagogue and other Jewish organizations, and also had an internship with a Federation one summer.

My ultimate goal in life is to become a non-profit guru that helps organizations maximize their efficiency and save the Jewish people, but I'm thinking a little more modestly for now.

I want to work in the Jewish community (Federations, Congregations, etc) preferably involving Jewish education and/or youth.
A livable wage is nice, and generally the Eastern or Central timezone if possible.
General availability of universities is good as well, because that would mean being slightly less likely to have to move when I decide to pursue my MBA

Any suggestions? I've been applying, so things are definitely started. Hopefully things will get going here in a little while. I'll keep you guys updated!

And, on another note, happy spring!

Women and Becoming Frum, part II

2006-03-21T01:29:00.000-06:00

(this is part II of a post earlier today, found below...read it first, or this might not make sense...the original article that I'm commenting on can be found here)

The article then continues on to say that women who become frum have to face up to the ideas fed to them by “women’s studies classes whose goal is to denigrate marriage and traditional, feminine aspects of womanhood”. My guess, judging from this and the comments by the author in response to comments by readers, is that she probably has never been to a women’s studies class, or read much about feminism. Or, perhaps, she has and got a completely skewed picture, which is entirely possible no matter where you are.

Feminism was something I grew up with, and not the kind of feminism that has somehow become a bad word in today’s society. I’m talking about the feminism of the Feminine Mystique (GO READ IT RIGHT NOW) and others. The kind that realized that women were UNHAPPY in their traditional roles as housewife and mother, because it was the totality of who she could be, and who realized that women, like men, need multiple ways to fulfill themselves. Marriage and motherhood are part of that, but for most women, it’s not everything and can’t be everything. That was the beginning, the idea that women need to be allowed to decide who they are and where they belong, because without that…you end up with “the problem that has no name” (that’s Betty Friedan, a nice Jewish girl). Anyway, it’s not individual achievement, but individual fulfillment. Women today, at their best, can choose to work it out financially and stay at home with the kids, or they can become career women with families, or do a little bit of both.

All of this goes completely counter to her next points that women need to make themselves subservient to men. Husband as king, women in private, men in public…all these are very traditional values, but…it makes very little sense to define women’s roles this way. Who, after all, is the one who is involved with the children? Who, as a stay at home mom, takes them everywhere, to school, the park, friends houses, etc? Not only that, but I think splitting men and women up that way belittles the amazing role a man can play in the life of children when he becomes more a part of that private sphere. Yes, women have different wants, needs and personalities than men. But that doesn’t lead naturally into a rebbitzen blithely saying that these girls “need their brains washed a little!” Put yourself into the shoes of a parent, hearing this from your daughter’s new mentor, and imagine how horrifying you would find it, and how convinced you would be that your daughter had indeed joined a cult.

(Tired yet? Oh there’s more…) She also concludes that many women feel liberated when they find permission to “express their deeper, feminine selves and give up fighting a masculine battle.” I appreciate the value of giving someone who has been told their whole life that a career and personal accomplishments always come first the permission to realize that family is just as important as a career, and that they work together to create a meaningful life. The tenor of the discussion of marriage is equally disturbing. Tsniut I have no problem with…the idea of being covered makes sense, especially in the bonds of marriage. I think the world at large would benefit from being more covered up, especially when it comes to being taken seriously in relationships. However, the only goal of marriage is pregnancy and baby care, as far as I can tell, in this article.

I know people who have had babies very shortly after marriage, and it seems to make sense to them. In two specific cases, the couples knew each other long before they were married and had gotten to know each other before had. This seems like the only arrangement in which immediate pregnancy makes sense. I’m not demeaning the practice, because I know that many people feel that this is the way to go, and I think here I veer off into personal feelings about pregnancy and marriage, rather than a general, this-is-how-I-think-the-world-works rant. People need to know each other before they have children, because children add so much more stress to life. I can’t imagine living the kind of life she describes, in which the husband’s life hasn’t changed at all since the wedding, while the woman does everything, from all the baby care to throwing a “dinner party twice a week (Shabbos) plus holidays.” What kind of person can be this disconnected from his own home and family?

If nothing else, this got me thinking about a lot of things. Comments welcomed and appreciated. Obviously, as mentioned before, I respect her opinion, but entirely disagree with it, and felt it important to vent that opinion, for both my own personal benefit (clarifying my ideas for myself) and also for anyone who might find a discussion like this interesting.

Women and Becoming Frum, Part I

2006-03-21T01:26:00.000-06:00

(this post is split into two, part II coming as soon as this is posted)

Shifra posted on this, but I realized that I really wanted to as well, once I read her response. Before that, all I could do was stare at it in response. My response is different (um, duh, we’re hugely different people), but it was Shifra’s response that even allowed me to think about what I found so disturbing about the post. I just disagree with everything in this post, and what it means for thinking Jewish women everywhere. The full text of the post can be found here.

First, let me say that I am completely aware that she has every right to express herself in this way, and I think it’s a good thing that BeyondBT has this kind of material there. I just don’t know if it’s the most helpful thing for people who are taking these steps, especially, well, women people. Anyway…onwards.
She explains first that she believes that women become frum in spite of the challenges faced by them. Fair enough. Unfortunately, she then ascribes this to “she lo asani eisha”, and women being more spiritual. I hate this explanation of women not being allowed (since “not needing to” translated into “not being allowed to” so many times) because, while in theory it might possibly make sense, all sorts of educational opportunities and other rights have been denied to women.

So, she and I fundamentally disagree here. Before modern times, the idea of women’s equality wasn’t really on the table, but since the 19th century, Judaism has been dealing with the idea of the equality of women and men (even if they are different). I think part of the reason that Orthodox Judaism (yes, broad brushstrokes here, bear with me) has been so unwilling to change things has been because everyone has assumed that it will lead to other changes in practice, somewhat of a “slippery slope” argument. This makes sense to me in terms of a way of thought. We want to preserve our way of doing things, and we are concerned that if we make this one change, a lot of other things will be opened up to change, and we’re not okay with that, even if opening up this one thing might not be the end of the world. Granted, the non-Orthodox movements (except Reconstructionist) were distinct movements long before they were egalitarian, but still. Anyway, by assuming that this is the reason women become frum, she completely avoids what I think is a challenging, interesting and important conversation. Why do women become frum? What inspires us and what repels us and what baffles us?

Wonder why...

2006-03-20T01:46:00.000-06:00

Tonight I spent a long time talking to Significant Other about the things I’ve been thinking about regarding Judaism, especially about my feeling of being lost. As usual, I ended up chatting about it in a roundabout kind of way, but that’s okay, I think. It must have been this weekend that let me talk about it. I went out of town this weekend, and spent Shabbat with people and doing very non-Shabbat things, and it just felt weird. The whole day I was aware that it was Saturday, and while I was enjoying myself…it just felt weird. So that gave me something to think about. Part of this is feeling guilty. I feel guilty that I’m doing these non-Kosher things on Shabbat…even though I haven’t made any kind of declaration about being Shomer Shabbas. I just feel like an imposter if I only do things a certain way in certain circumstances… but if they mean as much as they do to me…how can I do that? Part of it is that I’m not ready to entirely change my life. I don’t know enough, so I can’t be like “this is what I do, this is what I don’t do, lets work something out.”

Compounding that feeling of strangeness, I visited a Jewish bookstore this morning. Ever since I can remember, I’ve felt totally overwhelmed by this particular bookstore (the only entirely Jewish one I think I’ve ever been to). Even before, when I was relatively comfortable with my own Judaism, these guys seemed like they’d stepped off another planet. The experience this time was different, however. First, I’m older than the last time I visited, so I got treated as an adult looking at books, and that was nice. Second, I could tell more of what was going on. The guy was explaining the differences between the ketubot to an older couple who are getting married in June and who obviously didn’t know much about them, and I realized that I could’ve explained a lot of what he said to them, although not the details of the actual texts. Still, I worried about getting “found out” as not as observant as they are. Yet, the store carried a large variety of books, from sifrei kodesh, to books about Reform and Secular/Humanistic Judaism. So, obviously, they accept anyone who wants to spend money in a Jewish bookstore.

But looking through those books…I had no idea where to start. I thought about buying something about keeping kosher, but I didn’t know which one to get or if that was the direction I want to go right now (in terms of what I want to learn about right now). So, I ended up buying Chicken Soup for the Jewish Soul, and resolving to buy more books when I have a better idea of what I want. But talking about this with SO definitely brought up all the issues I’ve been thinking about, and we talked for a long while. He said, and I agree, that this stuff makes things, which are super busy right now, even crazier, and it would be easier if we could just wait a couple months to deal with any of this. Of course, that’s not totally an option, given how distracting this whole thing can be. So, we talked about different people I could talk to, and hopefully I’ll arrange something with them to discuss the various issues, especially to just get insight into what they dealt with and maybe get insight on what I’m dealing with.

But then, later, I realized that part of the issue is that I don’t really understand why it is that, suddenly, this all matters so much to me. Why now? Plenty of speculation on that will follow…

Frustration...

2006-03-10T00:22:00.000-06:00

Okay, general warning that I am feeling unbelievably frustrated with everything everywhere at the moment and I'm trying to figure out how to express it and it's late and I should be sleeping.

It is becoming more and more obvious to me that I really don't know where I'm going in terms of my Jewish observance. I mean, yes, more observant, but I still feel like there's going to come a point when I have to stop, look around and figure out what I'm doing.

As mentioned earlier, I bought an Artscroll siddur the other day. It came in this unbelievably difficult box to open, which had to basically be destroyed to get open, but we managed anyway. It's the Schottenstein edition, which means it has this awesome interlinear translation...they must've futzed around with that for years (yes, "futz around" is the technical term). I like it. I really do. I like the idea that this is something that I can learn from, that will make me a more informed Jew about how other people pray.

I like the fact that it has the extended Birkat Hamazon (extended from the Reform version, I mean) so that I can maybe learn that a little more. I like that this will help me feel less lost in any kind of service.

But it always brings back the same issues. It's the same stuff, and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to be sidelined because I'm a woman. I just find it unbelievably annoying that this is the solution The Powers that Were in Judaism figured out when they were creating liturgy and codifying these things. Sorry girls, we just don't count. That way, we can be free to take care of the children and cook for the men. It's more complicated than that, I know...but honestly...the system is set up that way, even if that's not the only way it could work.

And then I have this other voice that's saying, but there's all these other things that you want to learn to do in Judaism and you need to do it...I just don't know where to start! Like, I'm just stuck between...in the middle somewhere...and it's uncomfortable. This process doesn't make sense to me, and I think that's the part that drives me nuts. What am I trying to do here? Why? Can I even do it? Is it worth it? Where do I go from here? Where am I? Worse yet, is there a guide for me? I need someone who can help me find a way for myself...

Stress on Shabbat & Coming Attractions

2006-03-04T21:41:00.000-06:00

Well, that was sort of a stressful Shabbat. People say bizarre things sometimes, and don't realize what they've said until afterwards. But, amazingly, we were able to work it out, and I think it might've actually improved the situation some. Or a lot. It gave me a lot to think about though, about the nature of being Jewish and about Jewish knowledge. Someone (not my Significant Other) used the term "Reform" as a derogatory term, and it was this huge joke, and I felt attacked. Even if I'm generally more knowledgable and observant than most Reform Jews...that is how I am still identified to the world. It made me question what was actually going on with the relationship, but in the end, we talked about it, and got some things out into the open, and it really made me feel like we got something productive out of what was really a pretty unpleasant situation.

So yes, school is keeping me insanely busy. I'm now working on two different posts about two random things, and I have no idea if they'll be ready anytime soon. Once spring break gets here (March 17th, mark your calendars) I'm sure there will be a flurry of writing. Or, I'll be hiding somewhere until I have to go back to work...depends how I'm doing by then ;)

So, coming attractions

1. The Shabbat post (it's in progress)
2. Women and the workforce (ditto)
3. Being the Child of a Convert
4. Something about Israel
5. Another Shabbat post
6. My first Artscroll Siddur and why I bought it (aside from the fact that I got a discount...)

I think that's it for now...I'm sure you're all dying from anticipation, but don't worry, I'll still be around. If I get a chance, I'll write before then too.

Also, shavua tov!!

It's a Funny Thing

2006-02-28T12:54:00.000-06:00

Just when I think I may really be on the path to being more observant, someone brings up something that just makes my skin crawl, and I'm back to thinking this whole fascination with being more observant will put me between a rock and a hard place at some point in the near future. Not that the person was wrong for what they said (wrote), but just that it bring up something that I find troubling.

Hmmmm...

(trying to find time to write a more substantial post and finish the shabbat one...it's really not working...)

Old Jewish Men

2006-02-27T13:18:00.000-06:00

On Wednesday, I will have to go to my second funeral and burial in ten days, of another one of the longtime members of my congregation. It seems so bizarre to me, especially when I think back to when we first arrived in town almost eleven years ago and both these men were healthy and strong. Now, complications from a stroke three years ago took one, and Lymphoma that metastasized to the brain took the other. Both were ready; both had good lives, and both leave healthy wives and grown children behind.

They live in our hearts and memories.

It Could Have Been Me

2006-02-27T00:03:00.000-06:00

No, this isn't the Shabbat post. I'm still working on that one, since I realized I need more detail about sophomore year to really be able to explain. Granted, things aren't that clear for me anyway, but it's giving me a lot to think about.

I'm in a Holocaust class right now. Religious Responses to the Shoah. So far, we've just been reading about what happened, and soon (this week, apparently) we will be moving on to the part about the religious response. I did a segment about modern theology for my Gender Roles in Judaism class for the high schoolers I teach (Religious School) and so I have a very basic understanding of some of the perspectives out there, but I was focusing on a different aspect. I'm curious to see what they come up with.

As any good professor knows, you need a culminating paper for a section of the class. We have to read this book, Different Voices, and write about it. It's a fascinating, horrifying book, like so many books about the Holocaust are. I think this one is actually harder because it deals with those things that I've wondered about as a woman. Did you menstrate? Was there sex? Pregnancy? The answers? No to menstration, yes to sex as currency, and yes to pregnancy, although one of the pieces is about a woman who delivers babies in order to kill them so that their mothers may live. Having a baby or being pregnant was a surefire way to get killed immediately. Better kill the baby and give the mother hope of having more, having a life.

But the real issue here is the same with any Holocaust book. In a very real way for any Jew, it could have been me. Especially, because in a very real way...it was me. It could have been me. By a mistake of fate, I am the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors, rather than an actual survivor. Throughout the book, I keep thinking to myself...would I have survived? How would I have dealt with being separated from my parents? My Significant Other? What about the fact that I wear glasses and need them? Would I have been as strong as my grandparents?

Shabbat and How it Got That Way

2006-02-25T21:37:00.000-06:00

It really amazes me to think about how my experience of Judaism has changed while I’ve been in college. Nowhere is this more evident than in my experience of Shabbat and the rituals associated with it. My family celebrated Shabbat in numerous ways: lighting candles, challah, and Kiddush at dinner, going to services and participating in the oneg afterwards on a Friday night, and refraining from doing things that are considered work by modern people: housework, laundry, or exercise, but still going shopping, watching TV, eating out and doing a lot of other things that are forbidden by more traditional definitions of Shabbat. There aren’t Saturday morning services at my home congregation except for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah (which are few and far between…it’s a tiny congregation), and so Saturday observance wasn’t really an option, except for an occasional Havdalah service. Youth group weekends were different. Services were livelier, and there were always evening and morning services as well as Havdalah. Not that they were particularly more observant during the actual day outside of services, but it was still a step more observant than my home congregation. It made sense: they had the numbers to do it.

What really surprised me when I got to college was how much I really didn’t know about Judaism. At home, I was one of the most educated in the congregation, and told by many that I should seriously consider becoming a rabbi. But, as it turned out, I really didn’t know anything about more traditional Judaism. I went to Reform services and dinner at Hillel a couple of times first semester, but really didn’t find it to be what I wanted. The services were nice, very much like youth group but I didn’t know all the songs or how they did things, so it was a little disorienting. Even more disorienting was the dinner that followed. Shalom Aleichem before dinner? A longer Kiddush? Washing hands between Kiddush and Motzi? I didn’t know anything about what was going on, which made the Jewish community feel very, very alien. They were all Jewish, but I’d stepped onto another planet.

A post by Ger Tzadik got me thinking about all this. He described his first Orthodox Shabbat experience as sort of interesting but not astounding, and it resonated with me, as well as the fact that he really enjoys Shabbat now. I’m not Shomer Shabbat (which was the topic of a fascinating discussion last night, which I may or may not get to here) so my experience is different, but it’s still been a development. I had a lot of different experiences with being Shomer Shabbat. My first boyfriend in college was Shomer Shabbat, so that was a crash course in the dos and don’ts of being Shomer Shabbat. It was a short relationship, but I definitely got a good idea of a lot of the rules, which has proved helpful: lights, carrying, Seudah Shlishit and other things. The next relationship was with a Reconstructionist guy, so he was much less observant, but that also was a short relationship. Throughout these two relationships (which were one right after the other), I had become more involved in Hillel, going every week to services, as well as beginning to be involved in the student leadership. My involvement sophomore year continued to increase, as the situation in the Hillel changed (leadership and staff). I became friendly with several other people who were shomer Shabbat, through which I learned more about Shabbat.

One friend in particular, S, showed me a lot. I stayed in her apartment one Shabbat and we talked about a lot of things, and then went to the Chabad (who had just opened and we were curious) for lunch. That was an extremely uncomfortable experience for me, since I’d never really been to a Shabbat lunch and no one seemed to recognize this fact or really try to help me. I stayed with S at her parents’ house, when a famous rabbi was visiting her congregation and I had met him before and wanted to see him speak again. The experience was a good one, but I still hadn’t really taken the experience of Shabbat to heart in any kind of way, aside from the fact that I didn’t do laundry or housework on Shabbat, and would try to sleep in and be lazy if possible. I think the time when that changed was junior year.

I've run out of time. More on this subject later, as well as a recent conversation on this subject...

Coming events

2006-02-25T21:34:00.000-06:00

I have this giant backlog of posts I want to write now, and no time in which to do so. In all honesty, I should be doing work right now. But I'm blogging instead, all you lovely people out there.

So, what do I want to blog about:
1. The rest of the Shabbaton
2. Leadership Training Seminar
3. Being the child of a convert (ger)
4. Something about Israel, not sure exactly what yet

So what's been keeping me busy? School. More school. Teaching Sunday school. The fact that I'm trying to have a social life, be a full times student and find a job for next year...

And now, a post about Shabbat...

Shabbaton, Part One

2006-02-08T15:31:00.000-06:00

(multi-part post to keep them from being unreadably long)

I went to my second Hillel Shabbaton/Retreat this weekend at a gorgegous old mansion that has been turned into a small conference center. This year, my entire outlook was different, but I think that might have something to do with the actual Shabbaton being different. I do think, however, that part of it is that my entire outlook on Judaism and its role in the rest of my life has changed. I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to say, so here goes.

The Shabbaton began with candelighting, and then Kabbalat Shabbat with "planned spontaineous dancing" after the sixth psalm. Although I didn't know it at the time, two of the men excused themselves from Kabbalat Shabbat because the men were on one side and the women on the other forming a funny kind of semi circle with the prayer leader as the focal point and there was no actual physical barrier. Last year, the set up was similar, although we were outisde standing in an eruv with tiki torches lighting up the night so we could read, but with very low visibility.

So, after the sixth psalm, the men started dancing right on cue, while the women mostly just looked like they were going to watch. I dispise going to events like this where the women are watching and the men dancing. At Simchat Torah, I danced with the Torah and pulled women with me as much as I could, and we had a great time. This time, I started the dancing. I pulled my friend M, whom I met the week before with me, and several other people joined the circle with us, and by the end, we had a good little circle going, even if the dancing was sort squished because of the space. It felt great to do that, to push the women into fully participating...they gave us the opportunity and we shouldn't waste it!

Then came Maariv. We moved across the hall, and it was at that point I realized how high the mechitzah was. High. Very high. And if the guy davening stood too far on the men's side, you couldn't see him at all. Or really hear him. I was unimpressed. And then, talking to the men, I realized that they could barely hear the guy davening anyway, so it wasn't us, it was the guy. I followed the service better, but then again, I know Maariv better than Shacharit anyway. From there we had an introductory session and then dinner, which was yummy chicken, veggies, salad and brownies. I always enjoy Shabbat dinner. Meals on Shabbat in general, because there's so little rush about anything. The only thing we would be rushing to do after dinner is go to a program and an oneg, and who minds if that's ten minutes late?

So, we went to the first real session of the retreat after dinner, and talked about "true love" and about our ability to have long-term relationships. The discussion about true love was interesting, partly because the text we used talked about true love talked about levels of love, and both my boyfriend and I disagreed with the main point of the text when it described the highest ideal of love. So that was interesting. Then, M and I went into one of the rooms for the chevruta on long term relationships. She's just started a relationship, and I've been in one for a while, so it was interesting. I asked about how they got together and we discussed what it takes for a long term relationship to develop...and what that means as we get older and more into the realm of marriage and the truly long-term.

After changing clothes and getting something to drink, I headed into the oneg to get food and chat about life. My boyfriend came in a little while after I got there, having practiced his leining for the minyan in the morning. The two of us enjoyed the oneg, until my headache took over, at which point we moved to somewhere quieter to chat until it was past time to sleep, and we went back to our respective rooms until Shacharit.

Am I Welcome? Do I want to be?

2006-01-29T15:06:00.000-06:00

I ended up going to an Orthodox minyan yesterday morning for Shabbat.

I was supposed to go to the Egalitarian minyan, but we couldn't get a minyan. It was three girls and five guys, and we ran out of time to wait. So, it didn't happen. I was supposed to chant the third aliyah, so that didn't happen either.

I didn't really want to go into the Orthodox minyan.

First, I barely know any of the women on the women's side. There were only four other women (five by the time we ended), since the other two girls from the Egal minyan wanted to rather stay in the lobby because they felt unwelcome in the Orthodox service. This meant that I was sort of a stranger in a strange land, with no one to really guide me.

Second, I wear a tallit in the morning, and I was wearing it then. I consulted with one of the older men in the congregation and he said it would be okay. The men weren't supposed to be looking at me anyway. So, I took it off, crossed over to the women's side, and then put it back on, blessing and all, in front of several people (men and women) who know who I am (i.e. not Orthodox) and whom I know are Orthodox. So, that was sort of uncomfortable. But, I was wearing a white sweater and my tallit is white, so no one could tell that I was wearing it from the men's side, unless you were sitting way in the back to where the mechitzah doesn't reach. I got the distinct impression that one of the women asked the rabbi about it, but...who knows. It's hard to tell because she obviously didn't talk to me about it.

Third, I don't follow an Orthodox service extremely well. Granted, they announce pages and I read Hebrew quite fluently, but...it's still hard on a page when there are things I recognize and things I don't...and I'm trying to figure out new choreography as well. Especially since I know one of the women is converting, so I couldn't tell if she wasn't standing because she's not Jewish yet or if she's learning a different tradition than the women in the row next to her (I was sitting behind them, trying to take cues).

Fourth, the fact that I can't participate in the service BOTHERS me. The mechitzah is in a good place, and honestly, they don't really bother me. Men are distracting, I'll give them that, and in a different way than women. It's just the way it works. But...the fact that several of the men that were downstairs with us trying to make the Egalitarian minyan were given aliyot. It just stings. It doesn't matter as much for them if it's Egalitarian or not, except that they feel bad that the girls can't participate. For me, I'm used to being able to read, bless, lead and give divrei Torah with the best of them...and I know that I can't in that community. The worst moment for feeling that was later in the day, after Shabbat lunch. The gabbai mentioned in casual conversation the frustration of people not letting him know things until after they would have been useful. For instance, one of the boys who was supposed to read the Fourth Aliyah for downstairs did the blessing over the fourth aliyah, but only mentioned afterwards that he'd learned the fourth aliyah for the Egal minyan and could have read it there. Of course, the gabbai says, the guy who usually reads the parasha had had a busy week and hadn't been able to learn as well as he'd hoped, so having someone else do the fourth aliyah would've been great...but he didn't mention it until too late.

Of course, I learned the third aliyah (it was only nine verses, but I'm only still learning trope...) but it didn't matter. There was no way for me to read with that group. And it just brought that home and I hate it. No one is telling me to be Orthodox, but it's not even an option because of that, and it's frustrating to know that these things STILL aren't open to me simply because I'm a woman and because it's traditional to keep the women out, and how can you only change one aspect of the tradition and not open the door to more?

Even if that specific aspect of the tradition is antiquated, misogynistic and also most likely detrimental to the health of the women's side of the mechitzah (especially around here). I appreciate the tradition. I really do. But how much human capital are you wasting by restricting it to one side of the mechitzah? How many great theologians and Talmud scholars are being wasted? Maybe someday they'll figure it out...

So why did I go? Because it was better than sitting on the couches in the lobby (which is quite pleasant...there are several guys who nap there at certain portions of the service...) and not getting any of the Jewish experience I had woken up for. I guard my Saturday morning sleep jealously; this is one of my mother's attitudes I have picked up and kept. We almost always went on a Friday night, but only for Bar or Bat Mitzvahs on a Saturday morning. Apparently this is quite common in Reform congregation. According to some people I know, you can tell it's a Reform congregation if they only have Friday night services, and you can tell if it's a Conservative congregation if they only have Saturday morning services. I went for a service, and even if it wasn't the service I expected, and even if it's not the most comfortable...I am Jewish, and it's a Jewish service.

Probably the best part about it though is that I was able to discuss most of this with someone I really care about, and I think I understand better and he understands better, what my opinions and his opinions are, and where all that came from. I don't know if he'll ever quite understand, but...it's a start.

Thanks for listening.

No One Knows and the Lies they Tell

2006-01-05T02:06:00.000-06:00

Ariel Sharon is in hospital, fighting for his life. The last time I had a serious conversation about Israeli politics, it ended up being a long, traumatic, yet somewhat hopeful conversation about a particular relationship, rather than making much progress on my full understanding of the situation. I read the NYTimes, not generally Haaretz (although I do still occasionally, along with SABCNews and CBCNews, when I’m feeling nostalgic) and today, I didn’t even know what was going on until late because I had been busy and hadn't read or watched the News. It was brought up in conversation, and then I read and talked about it more with some other people.

In some ways, this is probably one of the best times to have something like this happen, in terms of his legacy…a great leader, cut down as he was trying to forge a new path, whether you agree with that new path or not. He had yet to make any real, lasting changes though, and I feel as though this whole thing will fall apart without him. But Kadima was the first new thing I can remember seeing in a long time that actually got some attention, and gave me some hope that maybe SOMETHING different could happen. Both Laura and George Bush have announced their prayers and sympathies for Sharon, no surprise there, but there are even reports that some Arab outlets were praising him (although probably not in the way he would have chosen and certainly not unilaterally) I don’t know what will happen now. I don’t think anyone does.

I get the feeling there could be a similar kind of reaction as that which occurred when Arafat died. There’s a (very, very off-color) joke someone I know had in their IM profile: “Arafat asks [HaShem] when he’ll die. [HaShem] replies, on a Jewish holiday. Arafat asks, Which one? [HaShem] replies, any day you die will be a Jewish holiday.” Arafat did a lot of awful things, many for reasons that I wholeheartedly don’t agree with and with tactics that should sicken the entire world, rather than make him some kind of hero. However, he is still human. No one, and I mean NO ONE should be rejoicing because of his death. HaShem stopped the Israelites from dancing at the shores of the Sea of Reeds because the Egyptians were still part of Creation. Even though they were the slave owners and the enemy in Exodus. I cannot think of anything less Jewish than to celebrate the death of an enemy. One can say, well, things will be different, and maybe things will change for the better, but death is still death.

And I bring this up because Arik made a lot of enemies (especially in August), and I know there are those that are going to call this stroke Sharon’s punishment for the withdrawal from Azza, and rejoice in that fact. “See, he was wrong, he’s being punished!” This too, is unbelievable, and such a falsehood. HaShem doesn’t work like that, because if He/She did, then He/She “punished” my mother by giving her cancer when I was in high school, “punished” my uncle by killing him by a drunk driver when his children were young, “punished” any number of people who, while not perfect, were innocent of great atrocities. If HaShem punished people that way, then government leaders who kill and maim innocent civilians and siphon aid money meant for their citizens into their own pocket, should be falling like flies. But they aren’t.

I honestly have very little idea of the way HaShem actually works in the world. But this kind of thing is not it. Not by a long shot.

Jewish Dreaming?

2006-01-04T02:36:00.000-06:00

Can someone have Jewish dreams? I don’t seem to. I have bizarre dreams, but they tend to stay away from Jewish things…although, a lot of people in them are Jewish. I wandered through several blogs between today and yesterday, and so I came across a very interesting post about dreams and Judaism here, at talkingdream and especially this post the first chapter of his book. Are dreams really a way to see HaShem? I’d love to believe so, especially when it seems so difficult sometimes to really get into…the idea of the Ultimate Being. Or whether He/She/It wants to really talk to us.

My dreams are of a particular variety. Mainly, really bizarre. Sometimes disturbing, but always undeniably intriguing. I often write the ones that I remember onto my pen-and-paper diary, which contains a very different kind of subject matter…and those are often the dreams that I felt a desire for comfort after. But, really, they’re not religious in content.

I did have my most sexual dream, however, while taking a Rosh Hashanah nap several years ago. Still holds the record for being the most blatantly sexual…then again, that was probably more a symptom of the rest of the crazy things going on in my life than anything else…But my most bizarre dreams usually come after high stress, like after finals, when I can finally (!) relax, and let myself sleep for more than the absolute minimum amount of time. And you KNOW things in dreams. The best example of this is a recent dream I had about a kind of doomsday scenario…in my apartment, and suddenly the town is being attacked, so roommate and I get into my car and start driving to my boyfriend’s house, except that seems to make us a target…so we run to his house instead…

We get there, and after goofing around for a while there, we pack up his car (which looks nothing like it does in real life, except for the color, but I KNOW it’s his car) And then I KNOW that we have to get my car so we can go somewhere far enough away, because the current car won’t be able to get us there…

It was unpleasant, but eventually we were leaving town, and thankfully my alarm went off.

I digress. Can HaShem really talk to us in dreams? Who really knows how HaShem chooses to speak to us? This afternoon I found myself watching the movie “Contact”, which I find fascinating for a number of reasons, many of them having to do with the fact that I’m a giant science fiction nerd, and that I find religion a particularly fascinating subject. And it really plays a large role in the movie, which I’m not sure I really understood the last time I saw it, especially in the relationship between (the very young looking) Jodie Foster and Matthew McConahey (sp? I’m too lazy to look it up). The main problem between the two of them is that Jodie is a scientist and Matthew is a reverend. And Jodie doesn’t believe in HaShem.

She uses the idea of Occam’s Razor to argue the idea that HaShem doesn’t exist. Would a god (little g) create the universe and then leave it alone, giving us no evidence of his or her existence…or does it make more sense that HaShem doesn’t exist and we have created Him/Her for our own benefit? This argument gets thrown in her face spectacularly later, because she has no evidence for something she knows occurred, and therefore finds some kind of way to having faith, although it’s not particularly faith in HaShem. She had to accept through faith that her experience had been real and there really were other beings in the universe, rather than through scientific evidence. I should really read the book and see if it is as profound as the movie tries to be (it fails after a certain point), but the whole discussion of faith and science is so modern. In a way, it’s one of very few stories I’ve seen that deal with the religious implications of the idea of aliens contacting us. Anyone know of anyone who has considered this for Jews? Hmmm.

So, Jodie and Matthew have somewhat of a happy ending. But it still doesn’t answer much about dreaming and the way HaShem works.

IMs on Women in Orthodoxy

2006-01-03T01:38:00.000-06:00

jesse: my friend seth is at HUC
jesse: he's married to an orthodox girl
J: interesting...
J: you know anything about how they're planning to raise children?
jesse: it's likely he'll be orthodox once he graduates
J: yeah?
jesse: that's what most of us figure
J: also interesting...although it's much much easier for a guy to become orthodox than a girl, I think...
jesse: really?
jesse: what makes you think that?
J: by becoming orthodox a woman gives up the right to count in a minyan, read torah, lead a service, or be guaranteed an education for her female children.
jesse: true
jesse: in most places
jesse: well wait - her female kids still get educated
jesse: my orthodox cousin knows more than most adult reform jews
jesse: and she's only 11
J: but not as much as her brothers
jesse: sure she does they all go to the same school
J: I bet they don't attend the same classes...or won't when she's older...
jesse: it's an orthodox school, but they all get the same education
J: a lot of my friends at school went ot the orthodox high school, and the women got a vastly different variety of choices
jesse: hmm
J: the women were basically not offered the more higher level Jewish text classes (Talmud) but rather, Jewish philosophy...which is important, but in the Orthodox schema...
jesse: hmmm
jesse: that's not cool
J: I figure I'd want to start having kids in 8 or 10 years...assuming my first born is a girl, I don't have confidence that in 15 years, the education system will have caught up enough...because I don't deny that Orthodox Jewish attitude towards the education of girls is changing in some circles...
jesse: it's interesting to watch
jesse: and have one foot inside and one out

Interfaith Marriage: A True Story

2005-12-31T03:05:00.000-06:00

First, let me again state that I don’t think all kinds of intermarriage are bad, and nor do I think that intermarriage can entirely be prevented in the kind of society we live in. Judaism can’t go back into the ghetto (and would we really want to?!?) but that provides challenges. And I think intermarriage is definitely a challenge. However, the proper discussion of intermarriage belongs in a discussion of romantic relationships with non-Jews, which is, of course, a much larger discussion.

A Tale of Two Girls

In high school, Thing 1 and Thing 2 didn’t have a choice about whether they dated non-Jews. If they wanted to date, they would date non-Jews. They’re best friends, and declare that they will always remain so. Both Thing 1 and Thing 2 decide that it’s important to marry Jewish, but Thing 1 decides that it’s okay to date non-Jews, but Thing 2 decides that one should stay within the tribe. Thing 1’s dad converted, but Thing 2’s mom didn’t, and they figure this experience probably shaped their opinions.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 wanted to go to a great PrivateU with lots of Jews, to escape the overwhelmingly Gentile world they grew up in. Thing 2 got in early decision. Thing 1 got wait-listed, and then didn’t get in at all. But, Thing 1 got accepted into a large, public institution where there were lots of Jews, but not as many as the school Thing 2 got accepted to as a percentage of the student population. Thing 1 was heartbroken because the school wasn’t her first choice, she’d be far away from Thing 2, and she really hadn’t thought much about PublicState as a school, but decided to give it a shot, and maybe transfer later.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 go to college. Thing 2 immediately immerses herself in the Jewish life on campus, while Thing 1 is still finding her way around campus. She tries Hillel, but finds it lacking. However, she keeps hearing great things about Hillel from Thing 2, and so, she tries again at the end of the first semester, and slowly begins to find her place. She rearranges her life, and, a little after the beginning of second semester, not only is she going to Hillel regularly, but she’s dating a Jewish boy, NewYork, for the first time ever! Meanwhile, back at PrivateU, Thing 2 is still enjoying Jewish life, but a non-Jewish boy is courting her, FarmBoy, and she’s completely conflicted about what to do, since dating a non-Jewish boy is not part of her equation, but she’s really starting to like FarmBoy, even though her friends thought he was gay when they first met him.

Thing 1 decides to stay at PublicState for a while longer, but, after dumping NewYork and beginning to date Campie, she realizes something: she doesn’t really want to date non-Jews. What she hadn’t realized in high school was that college relationships had the potential for being much more emotionally intimate much more quickly, meaning the potential for a “real relationship” was that much higher…and she didn’t want to risk it. Besides, she was having a hard enough time finding someone who was the same denomination as her. Meanwhile, at the end of second semester, Thing 2 has decided to go for it with FarmBoy, breaking her own rule to follow her heart.

Now, three years later, Thing 1 and Thing 2 are former best friends who chat occasionally. Thing 2, about to receive a degree in Jewish studies, never really enjoyed her Jewish studies classes, and really stopped going to Hillel regularly after she got her own apartment and could make dinner herself. She’s now wondering what to do with her life, and her and FarmBoy have had an on-again, off-again relationship for nearly two years since they broke up. There hasn’t been much else going on romantically for her. Thing 1, about to receive a degree in Religious Studies, is preparing for a career in the Jewish world, and wants to learn everything she can about Judaism (and save the Jewish people). She’s currently dating Boyfriend, a very active (and observant) Jew, and is contemplating how the future might play out for them.

The Moral of the Story?

If someone had asked me when all I knew about these girls was where they were going to college, I would've said that Thing 2 would be dating some nice Jewish boy and be expecting a ring, and Thing 1 has found a non-Jew, but now is facing her own decision about marrying a Jew. However, that's not how the story turned out (they're still a semester away from graduation, so who knows how it'll turn out at the very end of school). A complex, complicated set of circumstances, and it just goes to show...there are no simple solutions.

Jewish Marriage I

2005-12-25T03:05:00.000-06:00

It seems to me that all over the spectrum there is some kind of crisis over Jewish marriage. The blogs of both RenReb and Orthomom definitely spawned a lot of debate, and RenReb keeps promising another post that we’re all dying for (please?) although we know she’s busy. So, I wanted to give vent to my own perspective, since it’s obviously very different than either of their perspectives, and isn’t as rooted in one denomination (although their rootedness allows for a much more detailed and nuanced understanding!).

So, first, there is the shidduch crisis in Orthodoxy, in that, many Orthodox women are not finding Orthodox men to marry by their “expiration date” and therefore having a very hard time finding anyone to marry at all. So that means a lot of Orthodox Jewish women waiting a very long time to start the next phase of their lives, and feeling like a burden upon the community or as though there is something wrong with them. The problem even came to the attention of the “gedolim” who had some kind of meeting about it, which was apparently reported badly in one of the Orthodox magazines/newspapers. Sorry the details are sketchy, but I’m not familiar enough with the organizations here to give much more than that. So, one of the ideas was that the young men need to enter the market earlier, which everyone on RenReb seemed to disagree with, since in these communities, men and women are expected to be married by 21 or 22 (making me prime real estate at 20…hahaha). Anyway, no one seems to be able to agree on the cause of the problem or, then, the solution to the problem, leaving people sort of nowhere.

My boyfriend’s mother commented to me (while having me over for Rosh Hashanah lunch) that the “work” of making a match is permitted on Shabbat and Yom Tov because it’s considered so important. No pressure there (and everyone knows it…). So, obviously, this kind of thing is really important and needs to be dealt with. Among the most popular explanations were that men are too picky, women are too picky, their parents are too picky, and that women and men aren’t given enough opportunities to socialize before marriage. At least, those are the ones that came to mind.

So, what do I think? First, I think it’s little bit like Ben Stiller says in Keeping the Faith, “There’s a reason pandas don’t mate in captivity.” Basically, pressure to get married can be tough when trying to get into a relationship. From the moment someone meets someone else, there’s no time to get to know the person before the evaluation for marriage starts. I’m not saying that the Orthodox should start casual dating. But lower pressure dating would probably help. I think a website like frumster.com helps prove this. Everyone there is looking to get married. That’s the entire point of the website. The main difference? It’s possibly the most low-pressure way of screening people. First, you search for a person based on a couple characteristics. Then, you look through profiles and you start contacting people that look interesting. It also eliminates the need for a human middle-man, basically reducing the role of shidduch to the part of the website that actually lets you connect with people, with a little counseling on the side. And Frumster just celebrated its 250th wedding, and 500th match, many of them between people who might not ever have had the opportunity to meet without Frumster.

Which is I think another part of the problem. Jews are everywhere, and observant Jews pop up in the most unexpected places. But how does an isolated Jew like that find love? In response to RenReb’s posting about the Shidduch meeting, I responded with my own experience, and even received a response. As a non-traditional Jew in a pluralistic, Hillel setting, I observe the Orthodox community mainly because my boyfriend and many people I interact with and consider my friends are part of that community. That being said, I notice that the Orthodox community here doesn’t fit the pattern described in these other places. The community, aside from the married community members, is almost entirely single males. Where are the unmarried women? And what does that mean for the unmarried women out there that there is this pool of men out away from the city that are not finding their mates any time soon. And then, one poster pointed something out to me. These girls aren’t going to go to a secular university. In fact, it sounded as though they had all watched a “college girls gone wild video” and were convinced that this was all that took place in a college. Granted, without much supervision, many strange and terrible things can happen, so I suppose it is not too much of an over-reaction. Therefore…how do these women and men find each other? Well, I think Frumster is probably a great place to start, but who knows.

But then today as I was reading the Frumster success stories (they’re often very sweet and heartfelt, and remind me again how different dating for marriage is from regular dating), I clicked on the link about the 500th match, and it took me to several articles written in several different news organizations. Apparently, Frumster has widened the categories in which to place people. Having gotten many requests from less observant people, the category “Traditional but growing” has been all but replaced by 6 or 7 subcategories…things like “Conservadox” and “Conservative” and just plain “Traditional”.

Why do such a thing? Well, apparently, other kinds of Jews liked the idea of dating with an eye towards marriage with people who consider Judaism a large part of their lives. JDate, with all of its success, can be frustrating for those who are truly interested in making Judaism a large part of their lives, even if they aren’t particularly observant of Kashrut or Shabbat. And since this idea fits within the Frumster framework, they decided it was in their interest to expand the site. Granted, I’m not sure if anyone can really predict how this new area will change the Frumster experience, but I expect that it will remain mostly dedicated to the more religious couples.

I could go on for days about Frumster, and probably will soon, but I think Frumster first recognized that the Orthodox were having trouble finding their bashert, and then realized that the non-Orthodox were having trouble finding their bashert as well. And this brings me to intermarriage, which I think is the crisis in Jewish marriage that is occurring outside the Orthodox world. And that’s not because I necessarily think all intermarriage is bad. I just know that the Jewish world is thoroughly unprepared to deal with it, and I think also doesn’t prepare couples for the kinds of challenges they are going to face.

I think I’ll continue tomorrow with the discussion of interfaith marriage. I’m falling asleep now and want to be able to do the conversation justice. Lila tov!

Jewish Boys and Girls

2005-12-25T01:46:00.000-06:00

I constantly wonder about the Jewish world. It seems as though rather than having someone else kill us off, we will kill ourselves off. And it won’t be only one cause, but rather…many, multiple causes. Maybe that’s what I should be blogging about, since it is the subject that occupies my thoughts and is the reason I want to become a Jewish professional…so maybe, just maybe I can help the Jewish world not kill itself.

I think, at first, I’m going to base my topics on the topic-headings for the mini-course I did for my high school students on gender and Judaism. Since it is one of the topics that have been on my mind. That’ll probably touch on a lot of the things I want to talk about. And then I can move on from there. So expect things about the relationship between men and women in Judaism, women and ritual, women in religious authority (i.e. rabbis and cantors), Jewish marriage and divorce, the mikvah and other things about family purity, and the language one uses to refer to HaShem, at first. As well as other topics as I think about it. Eventually, I’m sure there’ll be a diatribe about Jewish education as well.

[As a sidenote: I’m using HaShem in posting because the whole G dash D thing doesn’t make sense to me, but I don’t want to offend…and I think HaShem is pretty neutral, even if it will make me out to be much more religiously observant than I actually am. I just have a very highly developed sense of kedushat HaShem and all that…which I’m sure I will post about in the future]

So, I think my first topic is going to be Jewish marriage I would, in fact, enjoy talking about my own situation regarding Jewish marriage…but the level of anonymity required for that is, well, staggering, and I don’t have that kind of faith in the online community (no offense to anyone reading…) But, perhaps, this kind of writing will allow me to deal with some of the issues I’m having even if I’m not talking about them specifically. Bring up questions I need to ask, or help me work out the solutions for myself. I choose this topic because Orthomom (whose blog I started to read after this post) and Renegade Rebbetizin (whose blog I read long before that post) both posted about it last week, and the conversation still seems to be going strong, at least on RenReb’s website. We’re all waiting anxiously for her next post. I did comment once on her post, but I think I’d rather continue here…mainly because I have a lot to say that won’t fit very well into her Orthodox structure, which is fine, since I don’t classify myself as Orthodox. What I classify myself now is well…up for grabs. It’s complicated.

Why am I doing this? Mainly because my own questions are unanswered, and I’m feeling distinctly…disconnected from Jewish things. Which is strange, considering my house is decorated for Hannukah, and I’m planning all kinds of Jewish programming for the various organizations I’m involved in. But real involvement in things like prayer and learning hasn’t happened in a while, and my questions are starting to pile up. My plan is hopefully I will be able to write something coherent enough that it will help me sort out my thoughts, feelings and beliefs, and maybe even clarify what questions I have. Of course, then I’d have to figure out what kind of religious authority I’d like to go to to have them answered…but again…it is a start. So, sit back, relax and enjoy. Next up, Jewish marriage….

This Semester

2005-12-14T15:39:00.000-06:00

For those of you wondering why I've been so stressed out...

My accomplishments (by class)
1. Reformation
a. one 6 page paper
b. one 8 page paper (plus revision)
c. eight 2 page papers
d. A midterm and a final

Reformation total: 30 pages

2. Islam
a. seven 2 page papers
b. one nine page paper
c. twelve 2 page worksheets
d. two midterms and a final

Islam total: 47 pages

3. Japanese Drama
a. 14 online posts
b. two drama performances
c. a miderm and a final

Japanese total: 24 pages

4. History of the Night (seminar)
a. one 4,000 word paper (14 pages)
b. one 2,000 word final paper (8 pages)
c. a midterm
d. class assignments

History of the Night Total: 22 pages

5. Hebrew Bible
a. one 10 page paper
b. a midterm and a final

Hebrew Bible Total: 10 pages

Total pages this semester: 133 pages

And, as an update...an A- in Japanese, Night and Islam, and an A in Hebrew Bible and Reformation :)

Hurricane Katrina

2005-09-03T17:34:00.000-05:00

This is my favorite response to the Hurricane so far, in terms of dealing with some of the more traditional ideas of religion. The destruction caused by the Hurricane, rather than being an act stemming from the Wrath of G-d, stems from human failings. We knew that the levee's were a problem...it's not a new idea (despite what the President might say) which, besides that, Nola is below sea-level. What? You build a city below sea-level and don't expect it to flood?

As people are rescued, and the human and financial toll of the destruction becomes known, there are hundreds of important questions that need to be answered. Most of them relate to understanding why so many people were left in New Orleans during the hurricane in the first place, and why it took so long to rescue these people.

Anyway, enjoy the article, and donate money to the victims.

I suggest the Red Cross or the United Jewish Communities.

Rabbi Schmuley Boteach "Don't blame the Victims"

Why? Why? Why?

2005-08-04T17:06:00.000-05:00

Three whys. Mainly because currently I feel terrible, both physically and emotionally.

This guy in Israel...this soldier, who thinks he can stop the disengagement, shoots innocent people. I won't speak ill of the dead, but it just reminds me of the guy who killed Yitzchak Rabin. Make the situation worse for everyone.

The situation is heartbreaking enough, and yet...it just gets worse.

Argh. I wish things would fix themselves.

Okay, back to studying for my exam and working on my essay.

Death

2005-07-27T18:58:00.000-05:00

In my English class we're reading "White Noise" by Don DeLillo. He must be obsessed with death, judging from this work. His characters are all obsessed, except in ways that are totally non-useful.

Let's argue about who should die first, since our argument will have no relevence in reality. The Angel of Death doesn't sit nearby taking notes while they argue, weighing the alternatives. Death is random, or, at best, it works with logic or reason that we don't understand. So, why bother? And why give death the power of obsession?

You can fight against death. Go ahead. You'll just never win. I don't like those odds. So, your life is consumed by a fight that you'll never win. When you're fighting a battle you can't win, that you aren't MEANT to win...well, then it does all sorts of weird things to your psyche. It dominates your thinking, in ways to avoid and concur it. However, this fear takes away the ability to deal with the immensity of death. If you're terrified all the time by death, you can't deal with the actual mechanics of dying, you can't write a will, you can't talk to your children, you can't even think to your children.

I think that's what bothers me the most about the book...how selfish are these people? The two of them are arguing over who will be more hurt if they get "left behind", but there are like, five children (between the ages of 19 and 3) that would be hurt, not to mention all these other people whose lives they effect...but they have no concern for that. It drives me nuts.

Okay, that's all for now. I should do something more productive now.

Summer daze...

2005-07-27T18:20:00.000-05:00

So it's nearing the end of summer. I'm so unimpressed. Can you tell?
I dislike the end of summer. It's always, for some reason, the shortest period of the year, maybe because I anticipate it so much. This summer has been particularly good. Relaxing, restful, and yet I feel like I've gotten at least a little bit done in the world. Not as much as I planned, of course, but something.

The fall brings the chaos of a full load of classes, the beginning of Hillel again, and everything that is entailed in my year. KESHER, as well. That first week is going to be a marathon...run run run run run...Quad Day, classes and then to New York, as though it's not enough to be starting everything else.

I'll miss the first shabbat and the welcome back barbecue. I will live, I think. I wonder if I'll be missed.

Somehow, I don't know exactly. I mean, I know it'll be harder for things like services and stuff, but mostly I wonder what it will be like to go back. I mean, I'll start again that next week, and it's been such a bizarre summer...not bizarre. Life changing, more like.

Funny how the biggest changes come in on tip toe.

But now, starting my life as a senior, I really wonder. What decisions do I have to make in the next year? I know that I need something to do once I get out of college, but how do I decide what my next best step is? Do I just start looking for a job? Do I start thinking about grad school? If nothing else, I need to take the GRE sometime soon so I can have the option of applying to grad school. Do I take the GMAT? Or do I wait, since I may never need it? What about looking at other grad schools? Are there other programs I should look into, or is Rabbinical School my best bet to get into the kinds of fields that I want?

Sigh. I need a guide, but I don't know anyone who might be able to help. With everything else going on, there seems to be more than just what I want that will determine what I end up actually doing. It's also this bizarre sensation that this is one of the more intense moments in my life.

The kind of moment that you look back on when you're older.

And think about how much of an idiot you were. Not specifically, but in general. How little I know about things or something like that.

I think it's especially true when thinking about my English class. The Meteorolgy class isn't worth talking about, except to say that I believe that it will be a pain in the ass to study for. The exam is on the 6th of August. It spawns all these ideas in my head, and I wonder if I'll look back in a few years and think how innocent I was. That's for another post. Yes, be excited, two in one day...this may never happen again folks...lol.

One day I had a dream...

2005-06-18T13:22:00.000-05:00

I'll say it again...
I should never be allowed to dream.
Cause my dreams are bizarre...and confusing.
I sometimes feel like a glitch in the matrix. Like this is not the way things are supposed to be, to feel...
But this is the way they are. And the way I feel, which is probably, possibly even more bizarre.
I shouldn't be allowed to dream. This was made abundantly clear two years ago, made itself abundantly clear last night...someone explain to me how to change the channel in my brain...cause that would be fantastically useful right now.
Certain things distract me, but mostly...mostly, it's just revolving around the same few scenes and images and words. I've probably forgotten the most important parts of the dream by now...but the whole concept...
Oy. No details here...it's too weird and strange to explain. Especially when I have no idea who reads this.
I miss...something. Or, rather, I missed something. Like my brain went on without me while I was out doing other things...
Okay, that's it for now I think...any thoughts from the great beyond?

2005-04-28T23:30:00.000-05:00

Why do you think people suffer?

In my Early Jewish History class a few weeks ago, we talked about passages in the Talmud that talked about demons. Often times, demons were thought of as ways to explain why bad things happened. For instance, before someone went to sleep, they were instructed to say the Shema, so they would be protected from demons while they sleep. This makes total sense, considering people often died during the night.

It was, in a way, their way of explaining what seemed totally unexplainable. And it someways, still does today.

Okay, enough procrastination...back to finals (ew).

Chag Pesach Sameach

2005-04-23T15:49:00.000-05:00

Have a happy Passover everyone...

I hear people are already making odes to Bread...sigh. My friend...

Oh well. I'll live. It's only...8 days...oy.

But otherwise...school is stressful, but mostly...life is good.

Fabulous, even.

Lovely, even.

Hehe.

hehe

2005-04-11T17:56:00.000-05:00

Which File Extension are You?

how sex is like prayer (slightly modified from the sourc -- thanks Meli!)

2005-03-27T21:26:00.000-06:00

1. Of course you can do both by yourself, but it's often a better experience when shared with others (especially Jews).
2. It's always nice to have that older person who knows what's going on.
3. Mentioning Jesus and/or Rabbi Schneerson during either is my cue to leave.
4. You know that well meaning person who's just too fucking loud? Sometimes they're cute, but it can get pretty annoying.
5. The ideal time and place, of course, is in Jerusalem on Shabbos. But sometimes just going outside you can find the right setting.
6. there is no number 6
7. 3 times a day.
8. Shekeling (that back and forth motion Orthodox Jews make while praying)...you get the picture.
9. Both can bring you closer to God (or get really frustrating).
10. You should aproach both with a heart full of love and joy. But sometimes when those are the last emotions you're feeling, prayer and sex are good ways to change that.
11. It's all about having kavana (emotion).
12. Having the proper paraphanalia is rather important.
13. Just go at your own pace and have a good time.
14. It gets boring after awhile if you're always doing it with the same person(s). Ya gotta switch it up, or at least learn some new tunes.
15. Musical instruments (and any electronics) really aren't necessary.
16. With a mechitza or without, it's all kosher to me.
17. It's quite acceptable to scream out "Oh, Ri-bon Shel Olam!" (Master of the Universe), or any of it's synonyms, Chaim Potok style, at any time.
18. I was raised to only do it with male(s) present, but I'm learning to appreciate the women-only opportunities as well.
19. It's nice to run the show, but it's also nice to just sit back and let someone else do all the work.
20. If you don't pay attention, you won't get very far.

You Turn Me On Like a Light Switch

2005-03-17T16:11:00.000-06:00

I think that's all from me for now. It's been a while...

Tongue tied, amplified

2005-02-27T15:44:00.000-06:00

My tongue feels like lead, and I'm not even speaking.
What can I say? Nothing to say, because I am not good at pretending
And yet, apparently, somewhere, I have been opaque enough that he doesn't see through me
Everyone sees through me.
But I don't say anything.
If he asked, I would. It's a policy, but I can't say anything myself. I can't even form the sentences in my head.

Who am I kidding?

No one is fooled. Except maybe myself.

That's gotta be something, right?

6 days, 5 nights

2005-02-25T00:28:00.000-06:00

So, I can't seem to get this out of my mind.

M says I'm just still there emotionally. Like, stuck in La La land, rather than back at school. Oops. So many people I know are going to HUC it's unbelieveable. I keep finding out more people I know, and I'm like, oy.Since when did I become this much of a Jew?

It'd be an interesting thing to keep track of my progression from mostly assimilated Jew to really super duper active Jew in the span of four years. Consider: I went to NFTY convention as a participant in 2001. I went this year as staff, and ended up in a meeting with Rabbi Freelander, who is the Vice President of the URJ. Talk about heavy duty.

I keep thinking about all these people I met. For instance, camp directors and youth advisors and regional advisors. And the people...yay for bonding time for KESHER Council, and now the only thing to wait for is...well, there's a lot more to wait for.

Why is there always so much going on?!?!
Ah, but I love it.

Here goes...nothing? everything?

2005-02-16T03:50:00.000-06:00

I should be doing something productive now.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

It's so late. Argh. Well, tomorrow I will probably be waking up around this time. Oy. Shoot me, please. But...I guess it's going to be worth it. I hope. Please be worth it.

M tells me that maybe I won't get karmic payback for certain kinds of actions. I'm not sure. I like her perspective on it, but still...

I'm trying so hard to get caught up on school before I leave, and I just really really don't think it's going to happen. Lets put it this way, at this point, it sure as hell hasn't happened, and I leave in a little over 24 hours.

Speaking of that, I probably need to sleep.

Okay: Hebrew, History, Lesson planning, packing...that's all...oy...

Da lifnei mi ata omed

2005-02-15T01:51:00.000-06:00

The phrase has been stuck in my head for the past little while.

Did anyone have a normal weekend last weekend? I've yet to find anyone who did...

NFTY convention is only three days away...

My stomach is aware of this fact, and is trying to cut it's way out of my abdomen. I keep reassuring it, but I don't think it believes me. But aside from that, excited.

Okay, lets go to sleep.

A Great (but painful) Songlist

2005-02-08T23:42:00.000-06:00

1. Ivdu Et HaShem B'Simcha (my favorite version-points if you know who)
2. If I had a Million Dollars (Barenaked Ladies)
3. Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head (Ben Folds Five)
4. Always There (Dan Nichols)
5. That horrible Cat Stevens song
6. The Theme to Cheers
7. Rainbow Connection (the Kermit the Frog version)
8. 3X5 (John Mayer)
9. Farmhouse (Phish)
10. Theme to Friends
11. Walk Around in Circles (Soul Coughing)
12. Waste (Phish)
13. Hear Comes the Sun (Beatles)
14. Mi Chamocha (Rick Recht)
15. You've Got a Friend (James Taylor)
16. Shiru L'adonai (also, points for knowing who sang this one, not a professional)

late night shower scenes

2005-02-07T02:08:00.000-06:00

So distracted in the shower
Thoughts rise and fall on the steam
I wash my hair twice
I realize and open my eyes
And get shampoo on a contact lens

In the shower at night,
My thoughts are dark, troubled, worried
Because I am unhurried
Just waiting to relax into sleep
So my stomach ties in knots
Thinking of all those things
I have forgotten
Or will forget
Or could forget

I plan my life and plan the world
And yet I am still scattered
Points of thought and contact
All over and unknowing
I want something intangible
Looking for it in tangible form

The options are scattered, varied...
Which is the accurate reflection?

will i say?

2005-02-05T02:00:00.000-06:00

i imagine nights in new york
days by your side
more than just a name in a phone
or in an inbox
foolish emotions stare at me
as i break slowly, quietly, carefully
my silence
and yet, the words hover and i refuse
i continue the silence

the daylight will give me distance
a space
but now, in darkness, in stress
i see all around me
the evidence i cannot hide
new york in my choices
because my thoughts are there
not the city, with you

i long to break my silence,
because of the distance
the irony
the knowledge of how far this is from
expectation
how far from the understanding
i break the promise to myself,
because i am terrible at hiding

and yet, tomorrow, all will continue...

Et nachtaH!

2005-01-31T20:31:00.000-06:00

So, today, amoung other things, I started Trope lessons with a friend of mine. It was interesting, and I'm looking forward to my next lesson. Aside from that, class was fine. I have to read all of Candide by next week (AH) so that's one of the projects for the week. World Religions we're learning about Hinduism (it's pretty cool), and in New Testament we're looking at Synoptic Gospels.

Strange life this being completely surrounded by religion all the time. I like it, don't get me wrong...but it's an interesting perspective on the world.

Reading, writing and being a Jew

btw, 14 people for the LTS!

2005-01-27T20:47:00.000-06:00

Small accident today. My heart was trampled when I failed to say the words that would have clued someone in.

It's my fault, partially. I should know other people don't see this the way that I do. I knew I was making it up in my head. And now...well. Now. Now I want to kick myself in the head for not doing something. But I can't compete. Not with that. Distance...and stupidity...and distance...and age...and mainly stupidity. On my part.

If I were closer. And braver. And less of a chicken-shit when it came to this stuff. Maybe it would've helped. Maybe. Or maybe it would've been the same. Maybe...

But I won't know now. That's all. That's all.

A small part of me keeps whispering "for now..."

I tell it to shut the hell up and let me try to concentrate. On what I don't know, cause I just feel...raw. Sad.

Any thoughts, world?

Long Road...

2005-01-27T10:37:00.000-06:00

Hello once again. Yes, it's been a while, and I've shafted you in the description of my classes. There are two other ones, neither of which are much to write home about. I've currently decided that my Hebrew and Jewish History class are my favorite.

The other two:

Intro to World Religions: A requirement for my major. Considering I've already taken a class on Catholicism and Buddhism, and I know quite a bit about Judaism...well, lets just say it's kind of a blow off class. Even my TA seems to agree, as all I have to do to take care of the fact that I'm going to miss probably three of those classes is give her a letter from KESHER. And maybe come to office hours. If I feel like it. I guess.

New Testament in English: Basically somewhat of a Christianity class. There is one other Jew (that I know of) in the class, because it's also a requirement for Religious Studies majors. After a somewhat scary introduction (the hush in the professor's voice when he mentioned 'Jesus' was a little much for me) but so far we've been talking mostly Old Testament. As far as I'm concerned, we can keep doing that for the rest of the semester.

Aside from that? Well, lots of KESHER and Hillel, and maybe I'll be working at Kutz camp over the summer. If I feel like it, I guess. Or maybe I'll do something else. But right now, Kutz seems like a good option. In that I know people working there, it pays (unlike having to pay for some of the other stuff I'm interested in) and it's not in Decatur, which is a plus for anything I do over the summer. Aside from that, it's also the camp I went to, so I have a little more knowledge about it than I would some random camp. And they're high schoolers, which is a little better than kids.

Hmmm....yes. Okay. I should really be doing something more productive (oh, who am I kidding...)

Crazy School

2005-01-18T22:01:00.000-06:00

Back to school time. My classes are less crazy than last semester, mainly because there are fewer of them. Some first impressions:

Western History since 1660: Too crowded lecture hall and the mic wasn't working this morning; the guy made some interesting points, but unfortunately sounds like Mr. Garrison from South Park and I suspect he has spent too much time studying Dead White Men.

Hebrew: I'm going to die. It's a class of four people. Three Israelis...and me. And I was definitely not the ace student in the class last semester? Definitely want to know what happened to the other 6 people who were in the class last semester and didn't graduate...but aside from that, the material looks really interesting...lots of Israeli short stories, movies and a book to read.

Early Jewish History: Um. Yes. Well, aside from the lecture about how we can't really know anything in history for certain, we can only know things about the texts and their authors, it can go either way. There are about 8 books for the class (plus a reader I have to go buy...more money...) but I haven't had this professor before, so we'll see how it goes. I've heard he's good and I've heard he's crazy.

Of course, the next problem is that I'm going to be travelling to hep run conferences in LA and NYC, and will be missing class, so I need to figure out how to do that without getting into serious trouble with TAs/Professors and my grades...

Quietly Going Crazy

2005-01-13T22:40:00.000-06:00

So, in my head, it's a very strange place. I'm agitated, and I have been for a lot of the day, but now I'm just obsessing. And it's not really about anything, but suddenly, like damn breaking, a bunch of old memories have surfaced. Like, old memories that make me want to shout, scream, perform and hop on the nearest airplane.
Aside from the fact that it's entirely possible that the KESHER staff is entirely out to lunch, I'm dealing with That Voice. It's nothing more than a rush of blood, adrenaline and hormones, but geez, it's powerful. It's one of those things about being home and everything.
I'm just waiting for the next few days to be over so I'm back at school and everything, being bombarded by people. I'm going to have trouble with it, like I always do. For some reason, I can go from a lot of people to fewer people with less trouble than going from less people to more people. And it will be more people cause it's school and it's always a lot. Generally the same people...but still.
I'm not going to be able to get That Voice out of my mind for a while, which is just odd and strange. What did I expect after having not heard it for like two months? I guess I just didn't think about it. F*ck. Just when I thought I had it all figured out, my mind plays another trick on me. Memories, huh?
Well, I guess February isn't that far away...right...? Sh*t.

Happiness is...?

2005-01-13T02:14:00.000-06:00

Get yourself a copy of Time this week, if you can. It's the issue about happiness and it's pretty interesting, though I'm still about 15 pages from done. It's a 68-page article, so excuse me if it's taking a while. In any case, apparently a professor at the University of Illinois is studying the science of happiness. I thought it was pretty cool, and wonder why I haven't heard about it yet, considering my contact with the psychology department. Anyway, check the article out...it's bound to improve your quality of life ;)
There's a part in the article about religion and happiness. Apparently, religion helps. The examples they used were interesting...the main one being a protestant woman to whom all sorts of tragedies came upon, and how her faith kept her smiling, and a second one being a woman who took up Orthodox Judaism. I wonder...is it just those kinds of religions? The kinds where you leave it up to everyone else? I mean, I think religion has helped me through some tough times...and it's definitely given me somewhat of a purpose in life.
So, before we go delving into the philosophical, I should say that this isn't the only thing in the article, but it caught my interest. Part of what religion does for people is that it gives them a community. It also oftentimes gives them hope. There was a part of the article that said that Jews weren't as happy as Protestants. I can believe that, if only because Judaism is much more focused on the present, and not the afterlife. It's easy to make light of the plight on Earth if you're looking ahead to what comes next, and it's a great thing. Jews, while concerned with the afterlife, have always spent more time thinking about how to make the world a better place, not to get into Heaven, but because it's the duty of a Jew.
I think I need to think about this more...I'll let you know if I come up with anything more...

In a Few Days...

2005-01-11T00:28:00.001-06:00

In a few days, I will be deluged by work. As second semester (optimistically called "Spring Semester") begins, it's not so much that I'm taking so many classes (it's fewer than last semester by one, baruch hashem!) but it's that I have so many other projects going on as well. That I can be consumed by a couple of things is well known amoung my friends, but the sheer amount of things I can be consumed by this semester...well, might as well start cooking me now, cause I'm going to be bones by May.

Well, hopefully not. I really don't know how this is going to work, and I'm wondering why this year, suddenly, the year seems impossibly short and there's barely enough time to complete one thing before another thing goes critical. It's definitely KESHER at this point that's occupying me most, but we definitely need to work on Hillel stuff too...oy. Someone, shoot me, please.

I don't think my brain is going to be able to take it. So now what?

Okay, really not this depressed, it's just my pre-school blues. I just...really don't want to go back to a set (and rigorous) schedule...

Okay, and done...

2005-01-09T17:26:00.000-06:00

Powerlessness. It's an interesting feeling, this powerlessness.

I can't vote. Furthermore, if I could vote, I live in a Blue State, and feel like it wouldn't have really made a difference. We just watched a small piece about Farenheit 9/11...someone, please EXPLAIN to me how we ended up with this moron for another 4 years?

This is nothing to do with anything, except it makes me want to go to Washington and start screaming. However, I'll wait until my citizenship comes through to do that. Okay, that's what I'm thinking about right now...that, and the timing of everything.

Stalking Other Professional Jews in Training

2005-01-07T18:09:00.000-06:00

Josh. Israel. Blog.

So, part of my plans include possibly going to HUC in the future. HUC, for those of you who don't know, stands for Hebrew Union College (also called, HUC-JIR, Jewish Institute of Religion)is the rabbinical school for Reform Jews. They also train Cantors and Jewish Educators. Josh, the writer of the blog above, is a Jewish Education student. I actually know Noah, one of the rabbinical students, but Josh is much better about updating and has more links to student blogs. It's a good thing too, since I'm always looking for stories.

Guess that's why I like blogs. They're all in Israel for their first year, it's part of HUC's requirements. So, I'm stalking, in a little way.

Not that any of them (except Noah, I guess) know who I am. Well, a couple of them might recognize me if they met me. And at least one of my friends is on KESHER birthright, and says they're going to HUC in Jerusalem tomorrow for Shabbat. Yay. And then all my friends who are in Israel over break will be back...halleluia.

Either way, I really wonder if the staff of Jewish organizations talk to each other. And I don't mean between organizations. Have you talked to the person in the office next to you lately? Cause it sure doesn't seem like it from this end...

Shabbat shalom :)

Crossfire is Dead...an interesting turn for CNN

2005-01-06T20:34:00.000-06:00

CNN Will Cancel 'Crossfire' and Cut Ties to Commentator

What an interesting development. Read the article, I was really amused. Also, maybe this means I'll start watching CNN more again. Considering what a completely crappy newstation I think CNN has been for the past, oh, ten years, since we got to this country. It's a funny phenomenon. For years, before we got to the US, my mom used to talk about how great the news on CNN was. And then we got here, and realized it was crap compared to CBC News. Funny how that works.

Anyway, a search of the net provides a varied opinion of Klein (I can't figure if he's Jewish, but it's not important) but I'm hopeful that someone is getting the point. As if CNN can get worse...

And that's all for now...

Also, anyone know why my gmail isn't working? It's really annoying me...

Opening Day...

2005-01-05T22:54:00.000-06:00

What the heck is a Professional Jew in training? Well, first, a Professional Jew can be one of two things. It can be a. a Professional (doctor, lawyer, dentist, etc, etc, etc) that happens to be Jewish, or b. a Professional who happens to be Jewish in a Jewish field, like a rabbi or cantor or Jewish educator, etc, etc, etc.
Which of the two am I? Well, I'll let you in on the secret...I'm not a doctor, or a lawyer, or even a dentist. So, I'm planning on being some kind of "Jewish professional". Yes, I mean that to sound as vague as it does. It'll be something like that, but whether it'll be rabbinical school or something else entirely, who knows.
And the "in training"? Well, I'm still working on getting there. It could mean that I'm not quite Jewish yet, but I can definitely say I've been Jewish my entire life. I'm still working on the professional part and getting the ins and outs. And, obviously, figuring out where exactly in the Jewish community I want to be.
So, I'm currently a Hillel President, and a KESHER Leadership Council member, and Religious School teacher and a college student in my spare time too. I'm busy, but oftentimes bored (wish I knew why, maybe someone else can explain to me) and I'm a writer. I write about People. And everything else, too.